Labels: fledge
Am angsty, because it isn't fair to judge our music and neither is it the other way round. It is subjective. Perhaps it was our lack of experience to sing as only a level and the strength to sustain throughout the 15 minutes but it was probably not within our age and physique to do it to the best it can be. We're not of professional standards, but we have definitely done our best. Maybe not in all rehearsals, but we have learnt- and grown.
Never mind tho, because those who will understand, understands. Those who don't will just stay ignorant to what music is and what music does.
Yet take the criticisms in readily and take whatever lessons learnt this time round. It was a heart warming experience. The whole process. I think the most that everyone got from this was to never forget the music and joy that dwells wherever and whenever we sing.
It's a life lesson.
Cantemus, quia cantare iucundum est,
Cantemus, quia cantare amantis est.
Just sing, because song is a very good thing,
Just sing, because song is a very happy thing,
Just sing, because song is in your heart.
by some arabian girl :)
20:16
Ms Tham, I need you to know that I haven't been the sole one affecting the choir and I alone cannot do it. But yes I know everything else to be said on the reverse side.
-
There is no point. I just need her to know that just because I'm keeping mum about choir problems and saving them for myself, I don't have to be strong enough to handle. I am glad and immensely happy for all that she talked to me about and for the simple touch on my back that lasted for seconds, even though it seemed like I stepped into infinity, that it stopped me from thinking- too much. She could have been my comfort but she doesn't necessarily understand how I was feeling. I won't have her just liking me just because I'm me. I hope she understands and forgive me for my weakness not because she forgets, but because she knows I'll be better.
I was just rethinking about what she said. I don't like being misunderstood. But I guess I can only put it into actions and show her. Afterall that's my principle of apology: actions.
I guess last night was a success for us. It marks a wonderful beginning for us, for me. I feel like I can hold the world in my hands again. It wasn't SYF, but in this process I've learnt to forget, and remember what it means to sing. It means much more to me. For someone who have never looked upon singing as competition, I've morphed into someone I don't recognise at all. I've taken up singing as a burden- to motivate and help everyone else, till I forget that I have myself to pull along, too. It's been going on since last year and finally this snowballing has taken effect.
I am thankful for this roller-coasting experience, or I'd never have the chance to grow. Now I know how it feels to be stripped of music and joy, and when it comes back, it floods me incessantly. I am thankful for IP that puts me under the same choir, similar environment, and show me that I've taken my position too strongly. Responsibility is mine and it stops there where I've done my best for everyone else. It's high time I do my best for myself and for the music I am about to make, and ms tham. My conductor. The best Mother to RVChoristers.
+do not talk to me about this. I am weary. I will not talk about this until my momentum fully stablises. by some arabian girl :)
20:40
To whoever who thought that I was talking about, I'm sorry for being insensitive to your feelings. Tho fact is I wasn't pin pointing at anyone, but just generally speaking about my irks that happen to be of significance this very year. Still, should have been a little more knowing and aware about people's feelings so. yes sorry. Really.
I'm thankful for 2 very important people in my life and I wish that they'll be with me for life.
and I'll start being nicer whenever I can to one of the two becos I've been very mean to him.
also, I'll remember to practise empathy whenever I'm being critical becos my head doesn't sync very well with my feelings when I'm pissed off/irritated.
smack me if I don't.
by some arabian girl :)
19:42
I dno. Everything in my head's going in circles and I can't think straight, hence this superbly incoherent entry. (supposed to be doing PI). Need some silent comforts, need to rethink my thoughts. becos serz, I'm getting quite sick of this. Having to remind others while making every attempt to keep mindful of techniques(which is so fundamental- not musicality, there isn't much joy in every song I sing), trying not to oversing, wdv wdv. Know that it's responsibility and the section (if not choir) has to move as one, but what more can I do when I'm already so frustrated on my own. I don't want to implode just weeks before the big day everyone's harping about. Going to step back into the shadows and let things fall into place. I hope to get my faith back, and that if I believe enough, everything will be alright.
It's just me. I'm a mess. But I'm trying to get back into shape. I want to humble myself: I'm not the strength of a section. Nobody can ever be. (self reminder)
by some arabian girl :)
20:32
I'm darn worried for our first syf as a senior high choir.
It seems like. yknow. hahah sigh. The lack of practices bothers me a lot.
I'm just going to sing thru the songs in my head because I do not want to disturb my family/I'm not ready for my dad's criticism sorry I don't ban1 men2 nong4 fu3 thanks loser yes whatever, and the next thing I'm going to do will be to build up on physical stamina so I'll be ready for the coming practices.
are you ready are YALL ready?
by some arabian girl :)
12:25
And thanks it's not cos of my height. ha-ha.
by some arabian girl :)
19:10
unfinished business seems like everyone's favourite excuse/reason to point fingers at one another. how so?
you didn't finish your work and you passed it down to me so that I can complete it. your work isn't very well done, neither did you appear to have put your best forward, that's why I can blame you and you can't tell me what I did wrong.
I don't actually know what happened and I'm actually quite out dated on what happened- I don't even know what's with the tension going on. but here's a statement from me. we hope we are able to pass the baton on no matter what condition it already is in. our mistakes are not an alibi for yall to hold against us, but for yall to take notice of and pay more attn to them.
some people just nag more than others but seniors being seniors are only worried that things are not taken care of, since we see better what isn't up to standards when we look at things from a 3rd pov.
you might not even think we deserve your respect becos we didn't earn it, but recognise our efforts? even tho we might not have been the best role models you can learn from. not the best becos no one is perfect. we point out your mistakes becos we see them and we hope to correct them, not to put yall down. it's done out of concern, if not vexation.
if seniors annoy yall too much, please listen and bear with us. at the very least, we have done our best for the choir. we hope you guys will too.
by some arabian girl :)
21:06
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